how would you handle it?
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I read this over and over. Just can’t let it out.
It’s just different with you.
Don’t feel anything when I’m with you but I feel like crying hysterically when I aint seein you.
It’s just different with you.
I don’t write your name everywhere, just in my mind. I try denying ‘cause I’m losing hope ...no hope...of ever becoming... I wanna erase you from my memory. I can’t hold it. Can’t stop thinking of you. Just wanna see you right now.
I don’t know why but it’s just different with you.
The whole world is saying that it’s right. The whole world is trying to make me see that. I keep denying. This is the first time I’m writing about you. I just can’t write your name anywhere. I don’t have the guts. Can’t scream your name. Even though I desperately want too.
I just can’t let the tears out. I feel like such a kid when I want to cry. Maturity kicks in and tells me that I have to be strong.
It’s just different with you.
WHY CANT I?!
......write your name
...scream out for you
.......cry
YOU...... that’s all I can
OVEREACHING SADNESS
Why can’t I face the fact that you like someone else.... My heart sinks just thinking of that. I get crushed when I see you look at her. I can’t live up to your expectations... your standards, can I? I aint like her. I guess I’m not good enough for you.....
Honestly, I don’t know what to think anymore. Can someone in the world give me a sign? JUST ONE please... Don’t confuse me anymore... too much of that in my system...
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Cry. Once more. Don’t have the guts to tell you. Hoping that you felt the same way too. I hate myself for not having the courage. Maybe because I try too hard to find signs that will point that it’s right but it just doesn’t exist. The whole world says it’s right but I’m just stuck in confusion.
Can’t take it. I always feel inferior now. Just the same words play over and over in my head. “I’m not like her.” I think I’m becoming fake to that person just to hide all my sorrow. I hate to think that I have to be someone else just to be with you. It kills me more to think that I just aint good ebough for you. I bet I’d die if I found out that ------- is all I could be to you. Nothing more.
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How long do I have to live this lie? How long do I have to hide?
Have you ever had a string of crushes, all failures but you didn’t care? The whole world knew but you didn’t care? Felt all giddy mixed with hyperactivity and the whole world knew but you didn’t care? Then suddenly meet someone who just breaks that chain and redefines the word “crush” for you? Possibly a failure and you cared like hell? If the whole world knew, you cares like hell? Didn’t feel that hyperactive giddiness but felt like shit when ------- wasn’t there and only you know and you cared like hell? I do. Hell.. I do.
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oh my... | 
